Introduction
Ever wondered what the missing piece to your life is? It could well be overcoming your deepest fears to create the life you can almost touch. Read on to find out more about the emotion that has us in a chokehold: fear.
We’re scared of many different things, including public speaking, intimacy, changing jobs, and making decisions, which I struggle with especially.
It’s an epidemic because we’re afraid of making a fool of ourselves. It doesn’t help that the school system has beaten it into us that failure is bad, so we struggle to do anything that doesn’t have the odds in our favour.
But fear isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s part of being human. The real issue isn’t getting rid of fear, but learning how to handle it differently. Thankfully, you can train your mind to respond with courage, one choice at a time.
Most of us wait until fear holds us back from living fully before we decide to change. But you don’t have to wait for the pain to get worse—growth starts the moment you choose it.
Remember: when the student is ready, the teacher appears. When you’re ready to let go, “how” becomes obvious, for example, looking up your struggle on TikTok or YouTube.
When you take a chance and leave your comfort zone, you experience fear. This stops you from growth, new experiences, and even achieving financial freedom.
The trick is to feel the fear and do it anyway. Otherwise, you become the tree that never grows.
Jim Rohn says, “How tall does a tree grow? As tall as it can!”. But fear blocks all growth before you get started. How sad is that?
I’m not gonna lie and tell you that change is easy. It takes courage to shape your life to what you want it to be. There are lots of real and imagined obstacles, but they don’t have to stop you.
What are you afraid of and why?
Everyone has something they’re fearful of. Wanna change your career but feel stuck? Want to leave your 13-year marriage? Wanna confront your partner about what’s bothering you? Wanna get over your fear of rejection so you can ask people out? Everyone has it. You’re not the only one in the world who’s afraid.
The 3 levels of fear
Surface story fears
Fear can be broken down into 3 levels.
Level 1 fears are surface story fears, e.g., “I want to grow my business but can’t make the jump to the next step”.
Surface stories can further be broken down into 1a. Those that “happen”, e.g., ageing, becoming disabled, being alone, natural disasters, and loss of financial security, and 1b. Those that require action. e.g., going back to school, making decisions, changing careers, and making friends.
One insidious feature about fear is that it tends to affect many areas at once. For example, if you fear making new friends, you may also fear going to parties, having intimate relationships, applying for jobs, and so on.
The ego
Level 2 fears involve the ego, for example, rejection, being conned, success, helplessness, and failure. They’re to do with your inner state of mind rather than external situations, and they reflect your sense of self and your ability to handle this world.
If you’re afraid of being rejected, this fear will affect almost every area of your life – friends, intimate relationships, and job interviews. So you start protecting yourself and therefore greatly limiting yourself.
You can’t handle it
The level 3 fear is “I CAN’T HANDLE IT!”
I know you wanted something more dramatic, but the truth is: At the bottom of every one of your fears is simply the fear that you can’t handle whatever life may bring you.
If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? NOTHING!
This should be a relief because you no longer have to control anything in the outside world. What your friends do, what your boss does, what happens at an interview, and what happens in the stock market.
To diminish your fear, simply develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.
Every time you feel afraid, remind yourself that it’s simply because you’re not feeling good enough about yourself. Some fear is good because it keeps you away from trouble, but the rest – the part that holds you back from personal growth – is destructive.
You might have asked yourself what caused your fear, but knowing the cause of a fear doesn’t necessarily change it. Start from where you are and take the action necessary to change it.
Don’t waste your energy wondering why. What matters is that you start developing your trust in yourself, until you reach the point where you can say: whatever happens to me, given any situation, I can handle it.
Whatever this world throws at you, never forget to tell yourself, “I’ll handle it.”